Tags
Blue, Expectations, Grumpy, Music, Pity Party, Relaxation, Singing
I’m feeling a bit blue. I’ve worked so hard that now I feel like a deserve a holiday. One bank holiday doesn’t really count. Tomorrow I go back to work and have to start thinking about the dissertation. No holiday for me. Bit of a pity party going on here.
So I’m going to grump a bit. No, I’m not going to list all the things that are good (although some things really are) and instead I’m going to flop around on the sofa feeling sorry for myself because it’s already 4pm so my last day of freedom is slipping fast away from me.
People told me to really enjoy this weekend off, I told myself I’d really enjoy this weekend off. I could do anything I want. I could lie in bed reading my book, I could watch as much Star Trek as I wanted. And I have. Well, not Star Trek, I went for Star Wars instead. And I read a bit of my book, not too much though because my concentration has left the country. It’s gone on holiday, the git. I’ve done some other good stuff which I’ve enjoyed.
But it hasn’t been the Weekend of Win like I thought it might be. That’s because it had become some sort of wondrous, mythical island in my mind. My goal in life was to finish the exam and then have the best weekend ever, coming out at the end of it invigorated and ready to return to life.
Bollocks to that. Some difficult things popped up. There was to be no difficulty this weekend. I feel a bit crap really, my eyes are still burning with tiredness (and from some crying – bah to the blues!) and I don’t want to go to work tomorrow. And this is the problem with really looking forward to something. With bigging something up in your mind until it becomes impossible to achieve. It just can’t live up to your expectations. It’s happened over and over again and I never learn.
Now I have to pick myself up. So when I said I’m not going to list all the good things, that was a bit rubbish really. I’m not going to list them all here. But I have spent time this weekend talking with some very good friends. There have been cuddles. There has been banter on the internet. INTERNET FTW. I’m listening to Jesus Culture right now, the band I mentioned a couple of posts back. Loud. It can help to drown out negative or anxious thoughts. It can drive back tears and bring a smile to my face.
The blues haven’t disappeared yet but there is singing. I love singing. So the great expectations didn’t entirely work out. They never do. Get over it, Narky. And sing.
[And also get my lightsaber out and smite anyone who annoys me.]
sanabituranima said:
*cuddes*
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Narky said:
Thanks, honey. x
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WG said:
Star Wars? There’s hope for you yet my friend 😉 **ducks a slap from Aliquant**
The force is strong with this one. We’ll all get through the crappy-looking week ahead together!
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Narky said:
Feel the force inside you,
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jermec said:
Weekends? Overrated. The expectation of relaxation and chillingness can be self defeating. Take the breaks when you can. FTW. x (This from someone who when not too sick to work, works every weekend.Thursdays & Fridays are good)
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Narky said:
It’s just, this is the only weekend I will get fully off until the middle of September. That’s why it’s a bit gutting. Still, looking up now, I have cheered up considerably.
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jermec said:
Oh that’s not so good. Keep that light sabre fully charged.
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Narky said:
It is indeed fully charged. I am ready to go, whether I feel it or not. 😉
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LittleFeet said:
Yeah Narky! Sing, cry, drink wine… Do what you need to get you through. But remember this! Regardless of where you concentration and/or sanity may have wandered off to, there will be a cheering squad waiting for you here and on twitter to help you when need be.
Big love, Narky. You’re awesome xxx
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Narky said:
Aww, LittleFeet. You totally made me cry. I’ll cheer you on too. xxx
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Emma said:
Expectations are a bugger sometimes, aren’t they? The universe is like a perverse little imp who, just when you say, “I’m really going to enjoy this weekend/whatever” decides to spoil it, just for fun.
I try to rein in the expectation/excitement about things now, as you can guarantee I’ll have a sudden fit of low mood/anxiety/something will go wrong!
I second the wine suggestion. I like wine. I like lager more though.
Oh and Star Trek would definitely have been better than Star Wars! I used to go to sci-fi conventions once upon a time….I was a sheltered 14-year-old till I met a cross-dressing dominatrix in a Star Trek uniform….
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Narky said:
I can’t seem to rein it in. I totally thought this weekend would The Best Weekend Ever.
Now, look. Star Trek is awesome – but so is Star Wars! They have lightsabers and the force ‘n’ stuff. I want to go to a Star Trek convention in October, but doubt I’ll be able to afford it. 😦
Cross-dressing dominatrix in Star Trek uniform *daydreams*
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